When Nature Calls
by Atsuki-hime
Summary: You see, Faye has had a long day, and needs a long, relaxing shower. But there is a certain lunkhead banging and screaming on the bathroom door. When nature calls, you better answer. Humorous little oneshot. T for language.


**Author's Note: **So, I haven't written **anything** in a while. Let's say, three, four years? I've decided to get my groove back, and I'm going to start with a short, Cowboy Bebop one-shot. I hope you like it. Review and inspire me to write something better – and longer.

**Disclaimer: **I do not own Cowboy Bebop.

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"Fuck, FAYE! I have to take a fucking piss!" 

Was that a certain poofy-haired bounty hunter screaming through the closed door of the only bathroom aboard the Bebop?

Yes, it was. And all Faye could do was smirk as she raised her voice, singing ( in a not-so-in-tune pitch ) a simple children's tune, over and over as steamy water sprayed over her entire body. A nice, hot shower was something she needed after a few good hours of repairing the Redtail – which Spike had damaged while entering the hangar of the Bebop ( drunk ) and nearly ripped the right wing off her precious ship off after a long night of bar-hopping – and she could care less if the bowels of Hell were going to rip out of Spike's asshole in the next five seconds. She was not going to surrender the bathroom anytime within the next hour.

"Faye, I know you can hear me, god damn it! Come on, I gotta WHIZ! Open the damned door!"

The sound of the door rattling violently as Spike banged his fists against it rang throughout the bathroom and over Faye's out-of-tune singing. Her smirk grew into a grin as she continued to ignore Spike's shouts of protests through the sealed door. She'd made sure to lock it as she entered in order to prevent any "accidental" walk-ins by a poofy-haired lunkhead or ex-cop-turned-bounty-hunter-obsessed-with-bonsais nut or computer-genius-yet-unusually-psycho teenager girl. She didn't even want the data dog to somehow make his way in. For the moment being, the bathroom was her palace, and she began to scrub the oil stains out of her skin as Spike's rants continued.

"Your singing sucks, Faye, and you know it! Open the door, or you're going to fucking get it! Come on, Faye, my bladder hurts! OPEN THE FUCKING DOOR!"

Soon, Faye couldn't even distinguish Spike's voice from the spraying noise the shower head made as water rained down on her body. She had sunk into her own little world of cleanliness, and she wasn't going to let anyone ruin it. She scrubbed all of the dirt out of her dark hair, rinsed the oil and grease off of her smooth skin, and commenced the ever-daily routine of shaving every place on her body that had hair ( besides her head ). She couldn't wear her favorite, yellow vinyl suit when there were prickly little hairs growing out of her, now could she?

After scrubbing everything, head to toe, until it was squeaky clean, shaving unsightly hair, moisturizing with a new bath-time lotion she'd picked up on Mars, conditioning her hair ( twice ), and getting every single speck of dirt out from underneath her neatly-filed nails, Faye decided the little time in her makeshift paradise was coming to a conclusion. As she twisted the knobs of the shower's faucet and the water ceased its spraying, silence filled the air.

Hm...silence.

Had Spike's ranting and raving stopped? Where was he? He must've roamed off and taken a whiz in one of Jet's bonsais, or maybe on Ed's Tomato. Neither would've gotten a very warming welcome from the owners...

Faye just shrugged off the thought and towel-dried her hair and body before deciding to roam off to her room and changed. She unlocked the door and let it slide open, peeking out to make sure Spike wasn't hiding in the hallway, waiting to attack her for not opening the door. She felt a small pang of guilt for not letting him. She knew the feeling of having nature calling you but not being able to return that call. It was horrible. Maybe she should've just taken the five seconds needed to open the door and let him in before quickly jumping back into the shower...

...Nah, he would've flushed the toilet on her anyway.

Seeing that the hallway was vacant, Faye quietly, yet hurriedly, tip-toed to her room, hoping not to run into anybody on the way. Her mission a success, she let the door slide open in front of her before she stepped into the pitch black room. She fumbled around for the light, stepping on something damp in the darkness. It must've been the sweaty clothes she'd been wearing while repairing the Redtail.

Faye found the light switch and flicked it on, her eyes casting down to the dampness underneath her foot.

And a shrill scream could be heard throughout the entire Bebop.

An ex-cop perked up from trimming his bonsais, a teenaged computer-genius looked up from her Tomato with a dazed look on her face, and a data-dog gave two short barks in response.

Last, but not least, a poofy-haired bounty hunter grinned from his position on his yellow couch. You see, when nature calls, it CALLS, and if you don't answer its call, you get in trouble. So, let's say, if the only bathroom on a ship is occupied by a shrewish woman who wouldn't open the door if three hundred thousand woolongs were knocking on the door, then you would have to answer nature's call somewhere else, wouldn't you? Perhaps the nearest room?

And that room just happened to be the shrewish woman's room, with her yellow vinyl outfit on the floor...


End file.
